上海高考英语作文评析及范文

上海高考英语作文评析及范文发布时间：2019-06-08 21:24:10

上海高考英语作文评析及范文
设作者上周在一所小学观摩两堂绘画课，以日记的形式描写两幅小朋友的绘画作品，并谈谈从中获得的启发。其中一幅是小孩用脚蘸了颜料在画布上踩脚印，另一幅图是小孩用画笔在纸上画山水。
　　这不是一篇容易写的文章。同样是图片作文，今年的难度要高于2010年的课堂一角。首先，提供的图片有两张，提高了对于描写的要求。高考英语作文已经不再仅仅考察学生的议论能力，它有些借鉴中文作文，要求学生夹叙夹议。在叙述中，如果只是平铺直叙那显然得不到高分。描写的关键在于捕捉事物的特征，而高考作文往往要求学生在短短几句话中描写到位，这其实是不低的要求。在笔者看来，精妙地运用几个动词是这部分制胜之道。相反，要少用形容词和副词。马克吐温曾说：“当你看到一个形容词时，杀死它。”虽然这样说不无夸张，但好的动词确实能让文章充满力量，生机勃勃。如，以下是笔者为2010年高考作文原创的范文，请看这里的描写：
　　In this picture, the pupils are all beaming. They are scrambling to answer a question as if they have full confidence in themselves. The excitement and the eagerness to participate gush out of the picture.
　　This is reminiscent of my own classes at primary school. At that time, we each wore the same innocent smile, fought with a jungle of other hands, and single-mindedly believed our answer would impress the teachers most. I enjoyed these classes for they sparked my interest in many subjects and taught me that competition could be fun.
　　其次，图片的含义并不是显而易见的，需要看出每张图背后的意思并将两张图结合起来说。2010年的考题也是开放性的，但相对来说学生比较容易展开。可以具体分析为什么小学生会积极举手发言，而年龄越大课堂参与感越弱。如以下这样论述：
　　Such fond memories they are! Unfortunately, as we grow older, we are increasingly reticent in class. There are many possible reasons for this change. It may be puberty that is to blame because we dread losing face. It may be that our body and mind are straitjacketed by the education system. It may simply be humans’ desire to conform to their peers—“Since nobody is putting their hand up, why should I?”
　　Whatever the reason, our carefree and innocent years at primary school is a reminder that we are always children at heart. Behind that cool facade, we can still be enthusiastic and committed to what we love doing.
　　而今年的考题可以表达的含义则更为多元。有些学生认为这两幅画体现了传统和创新优缺点，笔者并不完全同意。单单从创作的角度来说，用脚画画谈不上创新，脚印的堆砌也构不成艺术。而用画笔画山水也不尽然都是传统。因此，用这两幅画分别代表传统和创新不具有很大的说服力。既然话题是开放性的，绘画可以只是个表象，在绘画背后的寓意则更深刻。一个个脚印可以代表脚踏实地，不拒绝做一些朴实而基础的事。相反，山水画代表着鸿鹄之志，代表着对未来的憧憬。而这两种特质应该是一对矛盾统一。就像Facebook的创始人马克?扎克伯格说的一样：“把眼睛盯着繁星，把双脚踩在地上。”显然，这样的立意更耐人寻味。
　　再次，文章要求考生用日记的方式写，对熟悉了议论文、图表作文和书信等较正式文体的广大考生来说，是个不小的挑战。即如何体现出日记的风格，保持一种真实、清新、内省的笔调，而不是一副架势十足的虚伪样子。但是，作为应试作文需要有一定的规范。考生可能会疑惑是否可以使用俚语、习语、缩写或网络流行词。确实，笔者认为既要考虑日记的特性又要兼顾考试的规范是一件令人纠结的事。尽管如此，还是可以通过一些手段，如将较正式的it is缩略为it’s（面对自己，我们无需如此正式）或运用如would be better off这样较口语化的表达。
　　在本次高考结束，笔者又特地创作一篇范文，供读者参考。笔者水平有限，如有错误，请不吝指正。
　　范文：
　　Date: June 8, 2012
　　Last week, I sat in on two painting classes at a primary school. In one class a student dipped her feet in ink and made a painting out of footprints. By contrast, the same student used a brush to make a breath-taking landscape painting—so vivid that one could almost smell the refreshing rivers and hear the chirping birds.
　　Though standing in stark contrast, the two paintings both intrigued me. In fact, they reminded me of what Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg said, “Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground.” It’s this maxim on success that lends insight into the two paintings. The first painting represents that we should remain grounded and be cautious of being carried away with temporary success. A kite stays afloat because it’s attached to a reel; otherwise it will instantly lose its balance before eventually crashing into the ground. So it is with us.
　　However, success requires more than being simply down-to-earth, with a lofty ideal being another crucial factor. So grand was the scenery portrayed in the second painting that it embodied the reach of our dreams. Instead of ignoring the gleam of light, the spark of wisdom that flashes across our mind and worshipping the luster of the sky of geniuses, we’d be better off trusting that the gleam and the spark will one day shine as brightly as a search light if we have faith in ourselves.
The paintings taught me to dream big and act small. And I believe, by doing so, the warm light of success will cascade into my life.

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